I was three or maybe four years old at the time. I remember that I wasn’t in school yet because each morning I walked with my two older sisters to the end of the block and watched as they crossed the street to the school just a block away from our rented home in our poverty-stricken neighborhood.
One morning after my sisters went to school my father told me to get in the car; that we had an errand to run. I climbed into the back seat of our 1963 Chevy Impala and sat silently as I often did in his presence for fear of getting hit.
The car stopped alongside the road and my father told me to stay in the car. He exited the car, walked to the back and opened the trunk. Peering out the back window trying to see between the gap that existed when the trunk was open, I watched as he removed a metal can from the trunk. He turned and walked to the car behind where he had parked, holding the can over the top of the car and allowing its contents to spill out all over the car. He then struck a match and the car immediately ignited in flames.
Afterward, he walked toward me, got in the car and in silence we drove home. To this day I still don’t know whose car that was. What “wrong” he chose to “right” with his act of vengeance. There would be many more acts of vengeance throughout my childhood. Some acted out against others. Some against his own family.
Everyone has a story. I am not a victim though I have a childhood that most days I would rather forget. It’s certainly not my fault that my father was abusive or that he suffered from depression and schizophrenia.
But it was and is my responsibility to figure out how to deal with those traumas and make a life out of them.
It's not your fault if your spouse cheated on you and destroyed your family, but it is your responsibility to figure out how to use that pain as fuel to build a new, happy life despite it.
It's not your fault if your company has cutbacks and you find yourself staring at a severance package and limited job opportunities but it is your responsibility to seek out and find new employment so you can continue providing for your family.
When you blame someone else for the challenges that you face in life then you become dependent upon that person as the only one who can change your condition. You give up the power to change your life and actually shift that power to another person. In short, you become the victim.
But here is something you may not know… fault and responsibility don’t go together.
We must stop playing the victim! And it’s not our job to assign blame – we are not God.
The road to power is in taking responsibility for your challenges even though it might not be your fault. When you take on responsibility you take hold of the power that creates your future!
So, it's not your fault but it is your responsibility.
Save nothing for the next life.